


Only Losing You Matters

by vhsrights



Category: Criminal Minds (US TV)
Genre: F/F, First kiss story, Mostly Canon Compliant, Writing Prompt, angsty with a cute end, jj is just worried for emily, jj's pregnant in this one, minimal loss, she doesn't like emily throwing herself into danger
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2021-02-17
Updated: 2021-02-17
Packaged: 2021-03-12 17:02:29
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,941
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/29512917
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/vhsrights/pseuds/vhsrights
Summary: “I can take it.”“I can take it.”Maybe Emily could, but JJ couldn't.
Relationships: Jennifer "JJ" Jareau/Emily Prentiss
Comments: 4
Kudos: 65





	Only Losing You Matters

“I can take it.”

“I can take it.”

Maybe Emily could, but JJ couldn't. Hearing each blow against the agent flipped her stomach. She was nearly in a mind of her own, but there were other things to think of.

First off, this was an entire covert operation and any rash decisions on her part would further endanger Emily, let alone exposing Spencer as well. Second, she was pregnant, thanks to the imbecilic detective that had done that to her. JJ knew that her feelings against him were exaggerated, but she couldn’t help it. It had felt like his every move was actively against what she wanted, solely for his comfort. That didn’t do well to add on to the fact that he had told the team about her pregnancy. The thoughts fell to the background of her mind as she once more focused on where she was.

The crash of what sounded like broken glass made her throw the headphones down. _Why the hell was she so irresponsible? What made Emily think that she could just toy around with her own life like that? How dare she?_ JJ had a thousand words in her head to throw at Emily. Some were more emphatic than others but she couldn’t help it. The only thing that mattered was Emily. She needed the woman safe again, in her arms, and this situation made it seem impossible.

Eventually, the sound from Emily’s side of the mic died down. They heard her get moved to her room, kept alone. JJ almost let out a sigh of relief. _Almost._ Hearing the door to Emily’s room open caught her breath in her throat. They were no strangers to cases like this and she understood that Cyrus had virtually no limits. The soft, nurturing sound of an older woman’s voice through the mic was the closest to relief that she had felt in hours.

They made much haste in relaying their signal to rescue Emily after the woman had gone. Once Emily had confirmed her side of things, all they could do was wait. Unfortunately, that was not something that JJ had always been adept at doing. The woman paced frantically, her eyes shifting, and hands hurriedly tangling and detangling. She checked her watch over and over again, willing the needles on the timepiece to approach 3 AM faster.

When the time showed 3 AM, it was time. They were ready to free the compound and save their agents. JJ’s heart beat in her throat. _What if they didn’t find Emily? What if she had been moved? What if they hadn’t accounted for one of Cyrus’ contingencies? What if JJ lost Emily?_

_What if, JJ lost Emily?_

The question bounced around her in head unanswered. JJ had the answer but didn’t dare voice or think it. That would shatter her heart beyond repair. She wouldn’t be able to take care of herself, let alone the baby that she had on the way. Not without Emily. Emily had always had her back, supporting her no questions asked. Emily had always held her hand and kept JJ’s head up high, reminding the blonde: she was right at her side. That was what JJ had loved about her since day 1.

_Love. Of course, it had to be love. JJ had fallen for her best friend, the woman who deserved the world in her hands, knowing that she would never get it back. Some days she cursed herself for it. Other days, she could do nothing more than to marvel at Emily and the woman she was._

Once more, JJ was ripped from her internal war. The compound that they had been watching, that had been harboring Emily, burst into flames. People slowly emerged from the spreading embers that kept the flame ablaze. All JJ could think of was Emily. She only needed Emily in that moment, forgetting the rest of her team and responsibilities. JJ prayed to whatever higher power she could imagine. To simply bring her Emily back to her. She couldn’t go on without her, not like this and not ever. The blonde screamed out for Emily.

She screamed and searched. She went as close to the compound as she could. JJ felt the crushing weight of futility begin to sink onto her shoulders.

_What if she had failed?_

The woman had no more time to speculate before Emily emerged from the cinders. Her arms were wrapped around a woman that was begging to go back in. Emily’s clothes were ragged, her body littered with injuries, and her gait was reduced to a supported limp. JJ had heard the screams of the compound members when the fire first erupted. However, now, with Emily in her sight, nothing else registered. JJ ran as fast as her legs allowed towards the brunette. She just needed confirmation that Emily was okay.

_She needed to feel the breaths that Emily took in. She needed to feel the woman’s heartbeat against her damaged skin. She needed any inkling of hope that things would be okay. She needed to know that she wasn’t dreaming._

Their bodies collided and JJ could have sworn that the universe shifted. The blonde had Emily in her arms, alive and breathing. Her grip tightened around Emily, never wanting to let go. JJ could feel the life in the agent and the plethora of adrenaline-fueled insults surged through her head again.

“Please don’t ever be that stupid again.” The words escaped JJ’s lips with a shudder.

“I can’t promise that.”

Even having just gone through brutal events, Emily made time to quip. JJ simply rolled her eyes and squeezed the woman harder. She could give her a piece of her mind later. The women stood in the locked embrace for longer than either cared to count. Eventually, Derek broke them up to get Emily medically checked out but JJ stuck to her side.

JJ stayed by her side for the rest of the day. She drove them back to the hotel, mulling over what she could say to the woman that rested in the passenger seat. Her anger was beginning to bubble up again. It was purely out of worry and care for Emily, but she wondered if the brunette would ever understand.

JJ looked over to Emily again, gently resting her hand on top of hers. She couldn’t hold it but the position gave her enough solace in the moment itself. Emily barely stirred in her seat, catching up on the restless hours that she had spent in the compound cot.

They were able to get up to their shared room without any more chaos or mishaps. However, once the door closed behind them, JJ’s anger had other ideas. Words came out of JJ’s mouth before she could stop, think, or even process where her head was at.

“Why are you such an idiot? Huh?” She spoke harshly, with her back turned to Emily, undoing her things. “Can you please tell me that it’s not just for kicks?”

“Excuse me?” Emily stood baffled at JJ’s outburst, still partially disoriented.

“I don’t know. It’s like you have some kind of tendency to always just headfirst into fire without a second thought.” JJ had turned to face her best friend now, the concern and anger clear as day on her face.

“Jen, I was just doing that to protect Reid. You guys didn’t hear it but he cocked a gun to Spence’s head. What else was I supposed to do?!” Emily’s voice rose at the end of the sentence, sending JJ an unspoken invitation to do the same

“Talk Cyrus down! Isn’t that what you do as a profiler?! Right now, as bad as it sounds, I don’t even care about Reid!” JJ’s words were loud and clipped. They had no hesitation in delivering her harsh message. “The only thing that ever mattered to me was losing you!”

“JJ, that isn’t always an option! I tried, but neither of us would have made it out of there alive!” Emily slammed the clothes in her hand down on the bed.

She truly couldn’t believe what JJ was saying. When she was taking the beating by Cyrus and splayed out in her compound cot, JJ was the only thing on her mind. She had been the main thing on her mind since she met the woman. The woman was Emily’s only place of solace, even though she thought it would never be returned.

“God damn it, Emily! Can’t you see what I’m trying to tell you?! Don’t you understand that I can not go on without you? Don’t you see that you are my home? How can you not see that I need you with me? When will you get it through your thick skull, that you’re the only one I want? How can I make you understand that I can’t do this without out you? What magical words do I have to say? HUH?!”

The words had shocked Emily. She truly hadn’t expected such a visceral reaction from the blonde. Then, JJ words sunk in. _You’re the only one I want._ Emily couldn’t tell if it was intentional or simply a Freudian slip. Either way, the message JJ was sending couldn’t be what she thought it was.

JJ would never have feelings for someone like her. After all, she was damaged and messed things up. Today was the proof for that. Emily could barely hear the rest of what JJ said. She just wanted to retract away.

JJ watched the brunette slowly retreat into herself. The harsh words came to a stop and all of the feelings rose. To this day, JJ can’t tell whether it was some kind of invisible push or the weight of her emotions that drove to the other woman. She likes to believe it was the universe pulling them together when they clearly needed each other.

She took long, hurried strides to reach Emily. Nothing else was making sense in the moment. There had to be some way to get Emily to stay with her at that moment. That was when she felt some sort of electricity buzz through her body. The blonde jumped forward and grabbed Emily’s lips with her own. That was good enough to bring Emily out of her trance.

At first, Emily didn’t register what was happening. She thought she was dreaming. Then, when JJ’s hands wrapped around her waist, she knew it was anything but that. She pushed back into the kiss with the force that she had been met. The women stood for a solid minute, lip-locked.

_Her lips are soft and taste sweet._

_Her lips are rough but they feel like home._

They finally pulled back, entranced, and simply looked at each other. However, this wasn’t simply watching the other’s features. The two saw what each other was, how they were, and what the two of them could be. Emily was the first to smile which led to the women laughing out of relief.

“Don’t scare me like that again, Em. I’m not joking. The only thing that matters to me is losing you.”

She spoke again before Emily could ask the question she knew was lingering in her mind.

“I broke up with Will that night in New York. I couldn’t stand him and I was also infatuated with someone else. So what do you say, wanna take a try at us?”

Emily wrapped her arms around the blonde and looked from her to her pregnant belly. A smile that shined bright enough to light the world came to her face.

“Absolutely. I would be more than honored to.”

**Author's Note:**

> hehehehe :) another jemily prompt OS [again if you have any that you want me to write, feel free to send them to me on tumblr @vhsrights]


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